God Grieves with Us

[Ramez5]

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Ps. 34:18

I was reading Psalm 34 today since it was part of my assigned reading from the bible reading plan, and came across this verse.I couldn't sleep last night because, I was hurting a bit, I think. There is pain that just won't go away sometimes.

Trials are real.. and they hurt. Suffering is what saints do.. and it wouldn't be suffering if it didn't hurt.. a lot.. I mean tons.

My small pain last night, however big it felt to me, was so small compared to the pain my friend is going through right now.

But I was glad I had to suffer a bit last night.. it so got to me that though I thought I was not really that upset, my tense stomach woke me up in the wee hours.. so I could pray for my friend who is going through such grief right now.

My thought in the midst of personal bit of grief and the loss, was that I needed to lean in to God. It didn't make the pain go away.. but I no longer felt alone. He knew all about it.. his sovereign hand allowed it.. and I realized with a grateful heart that though my heart felt so much loss..what to me feels like permanent loss.. and unresolveable unfixable situation, that I still had God.

It didn't change the pain or loss at all. It hurts just as bad. The loss is huge to me.. though small in comparison to the loss of my dear friend. I was glad God was there last night.. seeing my pain and loneliness and assuring me that he was my huge portion and would fill up the holes that my human loss left me holding.

Losing Baby Samuel.. oh the grief of that. Months of ache.. just laying on the couch with my empty hands and this massive hole in my life. I remember telling God I needed that baby more than he did. I held my precious little boy in my hands. There was no warning when I miscarried. He just popped out one evening into my hands. A perfectly formed baby boy about 4 inches long. He was gray with the look of death. That was hard. I was busy setting up the layette at the time. I had washed and ironed all his clothes in anticipation of his arrival. He was five and a half months old in the womb at that time. (He was bumped from the uterine wall by a fibroid that grew at the exact location he was attached to.)

The hemorraging afterwards was horrible. I was so anemic that for a month I couldn't drive or do anything not even think. I lay there on that couch day after day staring at the ceiling crying out to God.. why... why take him? I need him more than you do!!! Buckets and buckets of tears...

But a baby.. much as I loved Him.. is not nearly even remotely the same as losing a spouse. And the tiny bit of loss I experienced last night.. is miniscule in comparison to either one of those scenarios.

I cannot begin to fathom the depth of grief of losing your spouse. And the anxiety too of what life will now be without the strong arm of the man you love. How my heart aches right now for my friend. There is nothing that can get her through today, tomorrow, or the next but the strong and loving presence of her God.

The only thing I can do, since I can't drive, and I can't go to the funeral.. is pray. I say the only thing..it is a crucial thing.

Last night I remembered that often the Lord lets us suffer so we can fellowship with the sufferings of others.. my tiny grief reminded me of her massive soul wrenching grief. I put aside my little bit of pain, rejoicing in the loving Father who gently reminded me that his love for me and his relationship with me was far more fulfilling than my loss. Like Hannah's husband, I heard him say.."Am I not worth more to you than many sons?" " Yes Lord, you are." If I never get to have this relationship or that situation.. in this life.. you are still more than enough for me.

Since I couldn't sleep and was wide awake, I prayed yet again for dear Gretchen. I have had several sleepless nights lately.. and every night.. I think of her laying in bed.. in the dark and alone.. and I pray and pray. Today I will spend praying for her. Forget the schedule..she needs upholding.

Some people who are her best friends are helping her the way only best friends can.Thank God for them! Some are in her church or our former church and bringing meals, loving on her kids, sending flowers--all so so important to holding up a grieving friend. Me, with a broken foot and no ability to drive... I can only pray.

But I know a little of what those moments in the darkness are like. So I pray.. and am glad to be praying in the dark.. while she lays there in the dark.. hurting and grieving. I am sure I am not the only one assigned to this task. The Lord has an army of sleepless servants praying for her I'm sure.

One thing I know through the hardest times of grief I ever went through, is that a veil is removed during our grief. There is never ever a time when you will feel God's presence more starkly than when the person you loved is gone.. or when everything you love is torn from your grasp.

All you have left his Him. Even if you can't see him or feel him or you feel you hate him.. God is close to you. He is close to those who are crushed.. hovering over you like a mother hen over her wounded chick. It's like his breath could blow your hair away from your eyes as he leans over to kiss you with a fatherly kiss and his tears mingle with yours. He treasures each one in his bottle for all time.

The Lord grieves with us..
and no one has his attention more than his grieving children.

Praying with all my heart for Gretchen today.. and especially tonight.

Dear friends, if you are grieving.. and your soul-wrenching loss is weighing you down. If all you see is black and dark with barely a light at the end of the tunnel.. I pray for you now. Lord comfort them. Pour out your grace are their anguished soul. Send someone to comfort them with REAL arms too. But assure them with a special sense of your fatherly presence that you are there and will never leave them nor forsake them. Amen

[Mary Naeem]

Thanks Ramez

[walaa farouk]

Thanks Ramez