Crying Out to God

[Ramez5]

8 Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”
10 In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. 11 And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

12 As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
17 Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
18 She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

This morning I read this story with no idea it had any significance for me. I noticed what she did and what she had suffered all those years... and how she kept being sad because the Lord had not granted the answer in all those years.. of a child. I remember noticing several important things about her prayer...

1. She poured out her soul to God and presented her grief to him rather than complain to her husband any longer.
2. She made a vow to offer back to God the promised child if God would give it to her.
3. She was now asking for the answer because it would glorify God not satisfy her need to be a mother or have her reproach taken away from her. In other words, it became all about God's glory and not her own needs however valid they were.

4. It comforts me that it was 'ok' to ask for a special something for herself though. It was not wrong to ask God to meet her great need. I love what Matthew Henry the commentator says about this:
Hannah mingled tears with her prayers; she considered the mercy of our God, who knows the troubled soul. God gives us leave, in prayer, not only to ask good things in general, but to mention that special good thing we most need and desire. She spoke softly, none could hear her. Hereby she testified her belief of God's knowledge of the heart and its desires. Henry
5. After praying and pouring out her soul to God.. and then getting an assurance from the Lord that he would indeed answer.. and had heard her request, she stopped crying.. washed her face.. and went on in peace, assured that God would take care of the matter.
Barnes says..
A beautiful example of the composing influence of prayer. Hannah had cast her burden upon the Lord, and so her own spirit was relieved of its load. She now returned to the family feast, and ate her portion with a cheerful heart. Acts 2:46-47.

And today, by 8am.. I was doing the exact same thing.. though I had little thought that my devotions this morning.. and reading this passage would have anything at all to do with me personally. I did not know I would be in tears and weeping out my heart to God for this age old desire that I thought I had laid to rest so long ago. But this time, I was not in despair.. only hurting and grieving.

I gave God no ultimatums. I can live with out a YES. I have Him and it is enough.

Just as Hannah's husband wanted to be 'enough' for her.. the Lord is plenty enough for me and quite more.

Yes I have a secret grief...years worth.. and a longing for something quite normal. It's as normal and expected of a woman's life as a baby. That deep heartfelt need to have this something 'normal' in my life I have brought again and again up to my own husband. And he loves me just as much as Hannah's does. Yet he doesn't understand the grief or why it's such a big deal.

Today, for the first time in five months, I am crying out again to the Lord for this old and long standing request..such a simple thing and one I have in many ways given up on long ago. I have poured out my soul to the Lord. I see that begging Tim yet again to help.. is not the answer.

I must pour out my soul to God
and look to God for the answer not to man.

This time I am not praying for the answer just to make me happy. I am praying for the answer for God's glory. But I also know, finally, for the first time, that it ok to beg God for a 'yes' to this request. Though I can live without it, it is not wrong for me to want my own needs to be met. But my needs are not the priority.. God's glory is.

Today I will wash my face as Hannah did, and smile, trusting that the Lord has heard and will answer.

I would say this is the first time in a long time that I have truly cried out to him.. and decided to look only to the Lord to fix this problem.

I will not try to fix it myself. God is able.

I will trust Him to bring about the answer.. and stop begging my husband... for the Lord's glory and not for my own sake.

Dear Lord, Many of us have had a long standing secret need or desire or request.. that we may have given up on long ago. May my readers do as Hannah and I have done.. and quit seeking that answer only for our own sake.. but for your Glory and your name's sake. Help us not to look to man but to you for the solution. That your will will be done and your kingdom be advanced as a direct result of that answered petition. Help us to believe and have faith that you have heard and will bring it to pass. Help us to be joyful and patient and content.. resting in your faithfulness to answer in your good time. Make our faces to shine with peace and joy... resting in You. Amen

[Mary Naeem]

Thanks Ramez

[walaa farouk]

Thanks Ramez